


Feeling Like a Hero

by highwayKing



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Gen, impostor complex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:32:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7601749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highwayKing/pseuds/highwayKing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stanley Pines was a hero. At least that’s what everyone was telling him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling Like a Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by some tumblr talk that I can't find anymore.  
> Also posted on tumblr.

Stanley Pines was a hero. At least that’s what everyone was telling him.

And he was Stanley Pines.

He saved the entire universe by sacrificing his memories. He was a beloved great uncle and a semi-decent boss, the founder and owner of the Mystery Shack, a well going tourist trap. He is a devoted brother, loyal, brave, selfless, and a protector.

That was a lot of responsibility for one person to shoulder. And the expectation to be that wonderful person that he has been hearing about, the man they insisted that he was before he forgot everything was a heavy weight for anyone.

He might have even like being this Stanley Pines guy. He sounded nice, if a bit grumpy, but nice.

The only thing was that he was fairly certain that he wasn’t Stanley Pines. For every good the kids and Soos and Wendy and basically everyone else told him three bad memories blinked into existence.

When he was told how he punched a pterodactyl in the face to save Waddles, he remembered how it was his fault that the little pig was kidnapped in the first place. When he heard that he fended off a horde of zombies he remembered how he was in an odd basement tinkering away on machines instead of supervising the kids on the party like a responsible adult would. When they told him about work here in the shack he remembered how he swindled the poor people out of their money. He even called them suckers frequently. He remembered how he underpaid his employees, how he wasn’t too nice to the town’s people or how he stole things just for the sake of hoarding wealth.

He clearly wasn’t the most honest man, nor was he the picture of bravery and selflessness. Every memory that he regained told him that he was the exact opposite, a thief, a lying lowlife, a coward. He never done anything worthwhile in his life and he was willing to bet that him rescuing the whole universe was only a fluke as well. That he had only been at the right place at the right moment to do something to sweep in the glory.

Maybe he didn’t even suspected that his memories would return. This could have been the greatest con of all time. He would have lived celebrated like a hero without that burden of the past.

Well, the jokes were on him. Not only he started remembering all his deeds he actually felt guilty over them. Something his old self probably wasn’t capable off.

He tried to convince the people to leave well enough alone. Certainly they had better things to do then to look after a forgetful old man. Especially if he was this horrible.

That last part he kept for himself. No one knew and no one had to know that he is starting to remember what an awful human being he was. He couldn’t even imagine how the little family that surrounded him could love him. It just didn’t make any sense. Even he hated the guy he remembered.

Then it struck him. Maybe he had coned them as well. He manipulated them until they couldn’t see his faults, or even excuse it just to get away with everything. They loved him because they didn’t know what a bad person he really was.

He tricked them into loving him, he realized horrified. It must have been easy too. Dipper and Mabel were only children, young and impressionable, easier to trick then the adults. Soos told him that he had been working here since he was little – child labor was something he could add to his expending number of sins – so he had enough time to form the kids opinion about him, he practically worshiped him. That was apparent even for him. And Wendy, she just didn’t care. She had that nonchalant attitude people of her age seem to have. She must have turned a blind eye over everything he had done just because she couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it.

He didn’t wanted to hear more stories about the oh so wonderful Mr. Pines. It was all a lie and it ached to force a smile on his face when the truth was nagging him, wanting to come to light just to be rid of the guilty.

But he couldn’t hurt the kids by exposing himself. They loved their Grunkle Stan and truth be told he started to like him as well. If only he could be what they have pictured him as.

With every day spent among these strangers his guilt was only increasing. He desperately wanted to come clean to someone, anyone. But what would happen after that? Would he be kicked out to go where ever he wanted? Would he be told to never return if he valued his life? What would the people do if they found out that their so called savior here was a thief, a swindler, a criminal? What would happen to him?

He was genuinely afraid what could happen with him if the truth came out. But he couldn’t live in lies. His old self probably could, but not him. This secret was eating away at him slowly and it was hurting him so much.

He had to confess.

But to who?

 

Late evening he was sitting out on the porch with his twin brother Stanford drinking pit cola as his older brother was reminiscing of an event. from their childhood. They found half a boat on the beach where they always used to play. He told him fondly how hard they worked to make the wreck sailable again. They basically grew up on it.

There was a sad smile on Ford’s face as he told the story. They had a dream once to go sailing around the world. His eyes shined up, that was amazing. But that dream never came true. He briefly wondered if it was his fault.

Probably yes. Everything was his fault anyway.

As Ford moved on to a more pleasant story he tried to remember what his life was with his brother. Not many pictures came to his mind. He remembered things from their childhood here and there. The happy sunburnt kid that was Ford was hard to forget, they were so happy back then. But after that there were only scuffs of disappointment and anger in the eyes of the man whose face materialized before him, and who was younger than the old counterpart beside him. Then the same face of pure anger flashed before him, Ford’s raised fist and blue lights came from nowhere. His cheek started to burn with what he could assume was the blow of a punch, but the pain was dull, more like a memory.

Did Ford hit him? When and why? What did he do to deserve it?

Did Ford know who he was in reality? Was that why every time he tried to remember of his brother he could see nothing but hate and resentment? That would explain it. he must be playing it nice, not wanting to freak him out, or, what was more plausible, he didn’t wanted the kids to find out.

 

“Stan, are you alright?” Ford asked.

Halfway through his story of how they once snuck out late at night to watch the fireworks despite being grounded when he noticed the faraway look in his brother’s eye. Stan’s hand was touching his face as if he was remembering something. So he called out but he didn’t answer to him, he was definitely lost in a memory.

Excitement started to swell in his chest. He couldn’t wait to ask about what Stan was remembering. He knew he had to be patient, but with every session his brother was coming back. Ford couldn’t’ help but to be giddy every time this happened. He was so happy to learn that he didn’t erase his brother completely, that there was a chance for him to return to his own grumpy self that he started to miss dearly.

“You know, don’t you?”

“Know what? What do you mean?”

“You know that I’m not this hero they believe me to be? You know who I really am. I’m a fake, a screw up who can’t do anything else but to leech off of other people. I conned them all into thinking that I’m this great hero, this great person who is worth loving and caring for,” Stan had his fingers intertwined, resting on his knees. He looked down to the ground not daring to meet Ford’s eyes. “You know the truth. That’s why you hate me.”

Ford was left speechless. How could Stan say that? How could he even assume that he was all of those things? He thought that those things could be left buried in the past. They never brought it up, nor him nor the kids nor the town’s folk. He just wanted Stan to be happy without being constantly reminded of their past mistakes.

But now Ford realized that no matter what he is doing he can’t avoid the past. It came back to haunt his brother.

The way he talked about himself, with resentment and guilt that he wouldn’t have showed if he was his old self. Ford had to wonder if Stan, the real Stan felt the same as now his recovering brother.

How could he not see what was going on? Why didn’t he even assumed that maybe, just maybe, Stan did feel bad about how he lived his life?

The worst however was that everything he had said was something once he himself thought about Stan not so long ago. It felt like he had been faced with his cruelty towards his brother and see how it affected him even after his mind had been wiped clean.

Ford couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t face the consequences of his actions. Instead he buried his face into his hands and let himself weep.

He hasn’t cried in front of anyone since he was a child. But now he just didn’t care. All he could think about was that he had done this, it was his fault. Everything was on him, that Stan had lost his mind and self, that Stan was a mess thinking so lowly of himself. If he could go back he would change everything.

But how could he fix this?

 

He watched Ford cry beside him. He didn’t know how he should comfort him or if he even should. It wasn’t his place to support this man. The hero Stanley should be here, he was this man’s brother. He was only a stranger.

Still as Ford kept on weeping, he felt like crying as well. He screwed up again.


End file.
